Embracing the inner Yeti

Church of the Subgenius is a life-changing monochromatic organism of divine ascent designed to let people do what they’ve always wanted to do: Slack off, quit their job and embrace their yeti descent. This is my religion.

We Subgenii follow a prophet named J.R. “Bob” Dobbs. “Bob” is a man of mystery, as he is a television salesman. He is a magical being and is officially called “The Living Slack Master of Mystik Sales Training,” whatever that means. The origin of this mystical guy is about as interesting as the man himself. One day, when Dobbs was testing a TV set of his own design, he was zapped into a completely different astral plane, thus enlightening him and giving him his divine powers.

“Bob” is the son of Jane McBride Dobbs, and the Mayan God Xiaucha-Chi Xan M. Dobbs. There is some controversy there, since there is evidence that the real father was the local milkman.

Subgenii, besides slacking off, also have to fight something called the Conspiracy. The Conspiracy is run by “normals,” a.k.a. glorps, and many other names, and various world leaders; (e.g., presidents, and of course, the Anti-Dobbs.)

Subgenii are known for being the insane middle ground in anything. Although contradictory, it does exist; I should know.

The benefits of being a Subgenius is that believers are more likely to survive X-Day, a kind of crazy rapture where the Earth gets ravaged by the Anti-Dobbs, false prophets, rival cults, Nazis, Conspirators and normals. X-Day was supposed to happen in 1998, but since I’m still here, I’ll just assume it hasn’t happened yet.

Subgenii can be any number of people, as long as they are not alike. This religion has influenced me, and many others, to change our lives for the better. Some of the ways we change them are avoiding work as much as possible and investing in the rapidly rising rubber-duck market. Repent!