New religion spreads beliefs

Gandhi buys my clothes.

If someone says this, they’re probably a Glassithiist, a member of the religion of Glassithiism.

Glassithiism was started last year by sophomores Elisha Gillett and Nathanael Stewart, who are recognized by their followers as prophets of their deity, The Glasses. Gillett, also referred to as Drasus, the lord, savior and messiah of the Glassithiists, carries The Glasses on his face.

The Glassithiists claim that The Glasses give their wearer special vision powers.

“If mortals are to wear them, it gives them a brief interpretation of other dimensions,” sophomore Jacob Fitzgerald, the pope of the religion, said.

As the Glassithiists believe that The Glasses are a deity, Gillett claims that he had ‘divine’ inspiration for creating Glassithiism, which he says he thoroughly believes in.

“My glasses told me,” Gillett said. “It’s not a fake religion.”

Fake or not, his religion has several prophets and saints that are a core part of Glassithiism. Among them is the co-leader and second prophet of Glassithiism, Nathanael Stewart, also known as Gandhi. The Glassithiists claim that he buys their clothes.

“I buy your clothes,” Stewart said. “We send little tiny men — like, half a foot high — to sneak into your house, change your clothes with the exact same clothes, and then you are wearing the clothes you thought you bought but I bought for you because Gandhi buys your clothes.”

Other saints include Saint Rasputin, who buys the Glassithiists’ furniture, on which they cannot sit down; Saint Cthulu, who protects the Glassithiists from the narwhals; and Saint 3 CHAINZ, who provides the Glassithiists with swag but is not actually a Glassithiist.

Besides having several religious symbols such as their saints, the Glassithiists have their own story of how the world began.

“We believe that in the beginning, there were three lenses. Two of them fused to create a good power, the Glasses, and the third one went rogue and became the evil Monocle,” Fitzgerald said. “It [the Glasses] created the spectrum, which all things sprouted from.”

The Glassithiists also have a prophecy of how the world will end. They claim that Gillett, who they say has been reincarnated from past versions of himself five times, will have 26 reincarnations, and when the final one dies, their version of Armageddon will ensue.

“Well, see, you will be absorbed into the glasses, turned into a higher being. So, eventually, I’ll be turned into the glasses itself after 26 versions of me,” Gillett said.

Besides buying clothes, Gandhi/Stewart claims to have a crucial part in this end of the world as the Gandhiraptor, a beast that he claims he can turn into at any time.

“The Gandhiraptor will come when our version of the Rapture ensues, and that’s when people start burning their clothes randomly and not taking my clothes, or when they start breaking glasses randomly,” Stewart said. “And it will show up and destroy everything and everyone, and then, when it dies, you’ll crawl out of its dead body, reborn.”

These beliefs seem odd to some. In fact, Fitzgerald initially expressed reluctance to becoming a Glassithiist.

“I was kind of pushed into it by the two prophets,” he said. “I didn’t really want to be part of it, but, you know, things happen that way.”

But apparently, some students are more receptive of the Glassithiist way, as Gillett claims there are around 30 Glassithiists at the high school.

That makes 30 people that Gandhi supposedly goes clothes shopping for.